After All This Time

by Nicky Haldenby

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about

Nicky Haldenby returns with his fourth self-produced album, After All This Time. Written over the space of two and a half years, and recorded entirely live over the past two months, the new album is raw, honest and intimate.

“I really wanted to make something that felt a little bit different with this album, and I thought the best way of doing that was to present these songs as they were written. Just me, in my bedroom with my piano. There's no gimmicks, and it's not trying to be something it's not.”

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released December 15, 2017

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Nicky Haldenby Scarborough, UK

Nicky Haldenby is a 24 year old singer-songwriter from Scarborough, England.

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Track Name: Lose It All
This time I fucked up, I didn't mean to
I ran out of things to say, I didn't want to
But I want you more than that, I think I want you more

Maybe your silent thoughts make all the noise I'm hearing
Maybe I need your voice to fill the gaps I'm feeling
I'm feeling it all tonight, I'm feeling it all

It's like we've been saying nothing after all this time
I don't know how but now somehow
it feels like we've lost it all
But I don't want to lose you,
I don't want to lose it all.

It's like I've swum across the seas to burn my bridges
With my words like gasoline upon the edges and the spaces between us now
There's such a long long way

Say the words
Say the words on your lips
Give me more than the grasp of your fingertips
Let me know what you think when you say what you say
Track Name: Tightrope
I'm walking over cityscapes, I'm striding over stars
I'm teetering upon the brink of falling in your arms
It's such a long way down without a hand to hold
It's such a long way

Will you walk this tightrope with me?
Or will you stand back and watch me fall?
If I lose grip would you find it?
Or will you stand back and watch it all unfold?
Cos it's such a long way,
It's such a long way down

I walk among the atmosphere, I stumble on the moon
But focussing upon my steps I can't soak up the view
You tell me to look around but my feet aren't on the ground
And it's such a long way down

Will you walk this tightrope with me?
Or will you stand back and watch me fall?
If I lose grip will you find it?
Or will you stand back and watch it all unfold?
Cos it's such a long way,
It's such a long way down
From up on this tightrope, it's such a long way,
It's such a long way down.
Track Name: Yours & Mine
Tell me all your future plans
Your fears, your dreams, your hopes
Tell me who your idol is and how to win your trust
Tell me all the stories from when you went wrong
I wanna hear them all

Take me to the house and to the place where you grew up
Show me that street corner where your heart first got broke
Tell me all your favourite songs when you were young
I wanna know it all

Tell me everything until there's nothing I don't know
We'll make these walls our house and turn our house into a home
In time, we'll call it yours and mine

I'll share with you my secrets and the things nobody knows
I'll show you all the songs I wrote when I was eight years old
And I believed in love
But now I'm not so sure

I'll pull out a ring when there is nothing we don't know
I'll let you in these walls, you can make this heart your home
In time, we'll call it yours and mine
Track Name: For You
Tell me where did I go wrong?
Maybe I just said too much
Was I not good enough?
Cos I'm never good enough at all

I wouldn't wanna change you
I want you just the way you are
I'd do anything to have you
I'd move the moon and the stars
But this world's working against us
And the stars are falling down
If only I could change the world,
I'd change the world somehow for you

Tell me how we fell apart?
A shot in the dark that went two steps too far
Now it's gone and broke my heart
And it's broken in the dark somewhere

I wouldn't wanna change you
I want you just the way you are
There was magic in the words you said
And lifetimes in your eyes
But this world's working against us
And I can't turn back time
If only I could start again,
I'd stop the world and start again for you.

I'd do it all again for you.

Tell me why you changed your mind?
When I was waiting I got left behind
Was I not good enough?
I'm never good enough at all.
Track Name: Assassins
I found a cassette and put it in a machine
I heard your old voice talking right back at me
An echo of the past where innocence could last
And the ghosts we'd never see

A ghostly apparition of our future condition
Two assassins on a mission and there's only one way out of here
I've got to get out of here.

Why do you do this to me all the time?
Why do you come and haunt me every night?
I'm scared to stay awake or fall asleep
These dreams are as bad as the nightmare I'm living in

I found an old photo but I don't recognise me
Put it on a shelf with a letter from a past me.
All the things I wish I'd said sounded better in my head,
And in my head is where they'll always stay

A burning effigy of all the things we could've been
But I'd written in it green and now it's bursting at the seams with jealousy
I told you I was jealous, see?

They told me don't let go,
You'll be worse for it you know.
But now I'm standing with a smoking gun
And I watch the bullets run.
Track Name: Us
It's as easy as a hello, it's as hard as a goodbye
It's the end of the end and the beginning of a start again
It's an early spring bud in a late autumn wind
It is just an ashen leaf caught up in a gale again

It's in everything we say, it's in everything we do
It's in our DNA to be who we are; to be me and you

It's the light without the dark, it's the night without the stars
It is just a shadow of our former selves
But that is really all we are

It's in everything we say, it's in everything we do
It's in our DNA to be who we are; to be me and you
And now you're telling me just when it was going right,
You're sticking in your knife right through my heart
And everything I say, I don't say it right
You're either saying nothing or you say goodbye.

It's a fire without a spark
It's a heart without the guts
It's the ashes on the floor
From the burning memories of us.
Track Name: Big Top World
So here it comes, the final show
The crowd comes out to watch us fall apart
As I remember how I used to know you better.
The circus days, the showtime nights
The bitter lows and sparkling heights of us
Still I remember how I used to know you better.

You make me feel like a clown on a tightrope
You make me feel like a mime when my heart is broke
I've got to find a way out of your big top world.

The illusion is dead, the magic is gone
This house of cards, you used to call me home
Do you remember how you used to know me better?
So paint on your smile, juggle your lies,
You're leaving this circus far behind,
You found the Joker From Hell to mess with your mind.

But still you make me feel like a clown on a tightrope
You make me feel like a mime when my heart is broke
I've got to find a way out of your big top world.

It's a little too late for that now, just a little too late for that now,
This show is over, there's no encore this time around.
It's a little too late for that now, just a little too late for that now,
Gone are the days when I was nothing but your circus clown.

You made me feel like a clown on a tightrope.
You made me feel like a mime when my heart was broke.
And now it feels like you sabotaged me,
Got what you wanted then kicked me where it hurts.
And now you've kicked me right out of your big top world.

You made me feel like a clown on a tightrope, so utterly worthless.
Track Name: Beautiful Rush
I, I should've known better than this,
Than getting hooked before one single solitary kiss with you.
You should've known better than me,
A broken-hearted fool looking for someone else to make feel incomplete.

Now you've taken my love but you've given it up
It's such a beautiful rush
I guess I should've looked twice
Now I'll never look back.
It's such a beautiful rush when I'm here standing on the verge of a relapse,
These feelings won't go back
I'm numb and you know that
I'm on the edge of darkness now

I, I can't say I'm sorry for this
You see, my conscience is clean and I know I made no mistakes
But I, I could've run faster than this
I could've made it out alive while I still had any fight left in me

You could've told me you weren't lonely at all
You could've helped me help you breaking my fall
But it's all in my head, all the words that you said
I must be wrong

And all the stars, the stars are falling down on all this wasted time
There's so much tainted time
And it goes on
Now you've blamed it all on me
Track Name: Strangers
My room smells like a fresh start but my head is just a mess
I've got a bed full of thoughts about how I only did my best
I've got my mind made up, my heart's not sure
But there's no going back, I've got to run away from everything we had

Pretend we're only strangers, like nothing really mattered here at all
Pretend we're only strangers, but I'm not really over it at all

It all seems pretty fucked up as I clear each trace of you
And I'm waiting for the day when I'm caught up in something new
I can't erase the past, can't get past this, can't get you off my mind
And it seems to me like you've been doing fine

So why can't I pretend we're only strangers?
Like nothing really mattered here at all
Pretend we're only strangers when I'm not really over it at all

I wonder if you think of me, I wonder what you think
I wonder if you'd look at me if you saw me on the street
I hope you think the memories that we made were sometimes great
Cos I know for me some things will never change
Even though we're only strangers

We're strangers now but there was a time when the world turned for you and I
These scars run deep but I'll find a way to forget you in time
And I'll pretend we're only strangers
Like nothing really mattered here at all
Pretend we're only strangers
Just like I never loved you at all
Like nothing really mattered here at all
Like we're only.
Track Name: On Top of The World
Everything got bent and broken
It all turned black where once was golden rain
Falling upon this hallowed earth

The price we pay for our fall from grace
We analyse all our best mistakes
Hoping some day some good will finally come
From when we were on top of the world.

There's only so far you can fall
If you ever really fall at all

So save me from my good intentions
I've been feeling disconnected
I hope I will find myself someday
Back on top of the world

On top of the world again.
Track Name: Maybe Next Year (Bonus Track)
I. I've made mistakes and got lost on my way
I wouldn't have it any other way, I swear I'll never change
And I. I'm always following the broken road
The broken road that always leads me home
And home where I feel safe

But maybe next year
I'll write my story in golden ink and silver lines
Maybe next year
I'll take the glory
I'll live it all a thousand times
Maybe next year, maybe next year

I. Well I'd been running out of things to say
Until the saints and sinners came my way
And now I talk for days

Maybe next year I'll live my whole life
I'll live it good, I'll live it right
Maybe next year
Maybe next year starts tonight.

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